Six

I had to call in at the costume hire shop on my way home. We were managing a Western themed wedding at the weekend. I thought all I needed was the hat as I reckoned any old check shirt and jeans would do. I left with chaps, spurs, a bandana, a smelly leather waistcoat and some replica six guns in a leather holster which I hid away in case a concerned passer-by called the police who, knowing my luck, would pump me full of lead and ask the pertinent questions later

I stored the guns carefully in the garage next to my cans of larger. My post was on a small table by the front door. The pleasant smell of cooking wafted out of the open kitchen door.

“Hi sweetie,” shouted Emma, “how was your day?”

“Oh so so” I said as I looked over my phone bill. I’d have to cut this down I thought.

“How was the nudist colony?”

“Fine” I just couldn’t believe the price of a few calls to Spain.

“Just fine? Is that all?” came the incredulous reply.

I had kept the letter from the Inland Revenue until last. It was with trepidation that I carefully slit open the buff envelope and pulled out the bad news. I hadn’t even read it yet but I just knew it spelt trouble. I walked into the kitchen scanning the contents quickly, only pausing until I reached their demands at the bottom.

“How much?” I exclaimed as I stood in the doorway.

“Bad news sweet pea?” asked Emma.

I looked up and dropped the letter, the outrageous demand for two thousand and twenty three pounds, forty eight pence swept from my thoughts at the sight of Emma’s outfit. She wore a pair of earrings, nothing more. She watched me carefully as I quickly came to attention.

“You can forget about that for a start” she told me abruptly.

“Come here sweetheart” I said seductively.

“Cut it out” she said “nudism is not about sex”

“What” I was confused now.

“I looked it up on the internet”

“What?” I was now more than confused. I had come home from a hard day to be greeted by my stark naked wife who was now telling me that she wasn’t looking for sex.

“Nudism or naturism as some people call it is a non sexual practice. In fact erections are rare and frowned upon. I hope you didn’t react like in this manner during your visit”

“What are you talking about Emma; I met women old enough to be your mother, a very, very fat husband and wife team, and a skinny bride to be with a future husband who is somewhat short in the sausage department”

“And what about that slut Kathy”

“She is not a slut and she was not naked” I paused before adding “and neither was I”

“Well, darling if you are going to work in a nudist club, you really should show willing”

“I thought I was showing willing”

“That is not what I meant” she said sternly. “You will have to become a nudist if you are to take this job and the best way to start is by being naked at home” I was beginning to think she believed this. “Now go upstairs and get undressed and make sure everything is under control when you come down”

The only way to live with Emma at her most contrary was to humour her.

“Ok darling, I’ll just pop upstairs then”

“Oh and have a shower please, I don’t want any stains on my chairs”

A light shone in a darkened room I suddenly realised why the nudists were sitting on their towels.

During our dinner au natural, Emma grilled me on the nudist camp.

What was it like, where there many nudists, what were the women like, could we stage the wedding there?

When I told her it was unsuitable and Kathy’s idea Emma paused thoughtfully.

“Cottlestone Hall is perfect. It does rather depend on Giles, but he might go for it.”

Then she looked straight at me “You do know Kathy will go naked if she has to, don’t you”

I sighed; I’d known Kathy for too long now to be under any allusion she wouldn’t strip off for this contract. To her, parading around in the buff would be a small price to pay for the money.

“I think this is one deal I’ll just leave to her” I told Emma as I started to collect up the dirty dishes.

“Good boy” she told me and left me alone with the chores.

Washing up in the nude was a trifle strange, but at least I could wash the splashes straight off my skin. When I had finished I closed the door and tip toed towards the lounge. I peeked through a crack in the door. Emma was lounging on the settee in front of the television. I can’t say it was a programme I wanted to watch but it is not everyday that I get the chance to sit around with my naked wife, and I could always watch her bare body if the TV was dull.

I lowered myself carefully in a chair, feeling the fabric against my bare skin. Emma sat upright and crossed her long legs.

“I think, Peter you had better support Kathy in this enterprise”

I looked at her suspiciously. If she thought Kathy was going to be naked, in view of her usual antipathy….

“Fully support her” she continued

“You don’t mean….” I looked down at my body; I noticed my penis was behaving itself well, just like a proper nudist’s would.

“Yes, it’s all got to come off”

Lost for words I just stared for a moment.

“But I thought you didn’t trust Kathy”

“Oh I don’t, that’s why I’m going to be there with you.”

“Well I don’t know that I want my wife parading around naked for all to gawp at” I started. She stopped me with a glare.
“That is not what naturism is about Peter, it is wholesome and healthy, allowing us to be comfortable with our own body.”

With that final comment, she sat back, uncrossed her legs and opened them.

“I think we’ll have sexual intercourse now, Peter.” She informed me