Eight

I said nothing on the way back to the office. The sparkling spring countryside outside could not cheer me up. Dragging Emma into this madness had complicated what was already becoming a difficult position for me. How had it come to this I pondered? Two weeks ago I had never visited a nudist colony, never strolled in the countryside with naked women and a stark naked meal with my wife would have been an erotic fantasy. This was now small beer compared to the path ahead. How could I get out of this situation when everyone seemed to be tripping merrily along the yellow brick in a demented version of the Wizard of Oz. I couldn’t decide if I was the cowardly lion or the scarecrow without a brain. Up until now I had told myself this was a hoax and I could always walk away from the whole affair. Suddenly, and with out any warning it had swallowed my business partner whole. I strongly suspected she had been spending time at the nudist club. And now it was pulling my wife in. She was already prancing around in the nude at home and when I looked into the future all I could see was a naked wedding in Cottlestone Hall looming on a grey horizon like a twisted Emerald City. I certainly wasn’t in Kansas anymore and I had a dread feeling I wasn’t going to wake up to find I was dreaming.

“Penny for then” said Kathy as we parked outside the office.

“What” I replied

“Oh come on Pete” she said sharply, “you’ve barely said a word all the way back.”

“I was just thinking, that’s all”

“It’s about Emma isn’t it?”

“Well yes, did you have to bring into this?”

“Me” she retorted,” It was you who asked her to do the catering”

I just stared at her.

“If you will excuse me,” I told her, “I think I might just go and have a word with my wife”

I drove across town in a dream. The quiet sunlit streets slipped by unnoticed as I pondered Emma’s perfidy. Why had she done this, to keep an eye on me I supposed. She clearly hadn’t thought it through. Her company was quite able to do such an event under normal circumstances, but she faced the same problem as Giles, where were you going to get the staff?

I formulated my plan of attack as I turned into the small industrial estate where Emma had her offices, cold store and kitchens. Parking my car I whistled a jaunty tune as I strolled into the sparsely furnished ante room.

“My wife in?” I asked breezily of the raven haired waif sitting behind the desk. I looked her up and down, rather big chest for one so small. Another student that Emma hired cheap I suspected.

“Hello darling. What are you doing here?”

I went straight into a full frontal attack.

“Kathy tells me you are planning to cater for our special event”

“The naturist wedding” she said loudly with a grin as I winced, the little redhead had heard that as clear as a bell. Emma was already outflanking me. “Yes, it’s best keeping that all in the family, don’t you think?”

“Oh and are you planning to cook, serve the meals and wash up all by yourself? Because I’ll be too busy to help!” I shouted, playing all but my aces at one go before adding “in the nude” This did set her back a little.

“I know staff will be a problem” she admitted “but I may be able to persuade some of our regulars.”

“I think I can help you there” said a voice from the open door behind me

I turned to look at the busty redhead who was leaning seductively against the side of Emma’s office door. I could see now that she might just be up for it.

“I think, without much persuasion I could get you a full team from my club at college” she said.

“Your club, Temi?” asked Emma

“Yes the Chariot Club” she said.

“What sort of club is that?” I knew students were weird but Ben Hur at the races?
“Well it’s not official, by any means” she replied in a hushed tone, “It’s well chariot as in swing low sweet chariot, if you get my drift”

I got her drift alright, “we can’t have any shenanigans” I told her; “this is a reputable event” Temi looked at me seriously. I couldn’t believe myself. I had just described a wedding where the bride, groom and most of the guests were planning to be naked as reputable.

“Oh, don’t worry we’ll behave ourselves there, but afterwards…. Party, party” Her face was one wide grin. “We’ve a meeting tonight at the pub across the road from Uni, why don’t you come along and meet the gang”

I shuddered when Emma said yes.

I was still shuddering five hours later as we drove across the town to meet the “Chariot Club” in large barn of a pub that was once known as “The Royal Oak” but now rejoiced in the title of “The Advocate”. The pub was empty, but after a discreet word with a grinning barman I was shown to an upstairs function room. I knocked on the door. It opened a fraction and Temi peeked through the gap, before she opened it wide and invited us in. The Chariot club was clearly in full swing, there were about twenty in total, an equal mixture of young males and females all in various states of undress. The only exception was our host for the evening Temi who was stark naked. She had two large arrows drawn on her body, one leading between her ponderous breasts and pointing at her mouth, the other pointing down to her shaven vagina. Between the two arrows was written in large letters, ‘insert penis here’ I think I had the gist of the club now, and somehow I knew that recruiting them as naked waiters would be no trouble. Keeping their minds on the job however would be a different matter.

Emma made the pitch and asked for volunteers. She was almost killed in the rush. Satisfied that we could now meet Greta and Bob’s requirements, we got up to leave.

“Why don’t you stay” suggested Temi, “the boys are going to do some penis fencing, you join in Pete.”

Emma smiled as I politely made my excuses. As we left Temi was organising the teams, her pendulous breasts swaying as she strode around the room.

“What sort of name is Temi, anyway” I asked Emma as we descended into the relative sanity of the pub.

“It’s short for Artemis.” said Emma “You know, the Greek goddess of the moon” She paused dramatically “and chastity”