The wedding

That day long dreaded, the day of the wedding, that is to say the day of the naked wedding came at the end of June, a scorching month during which the sun had poured all its venom down draining the earth of all colour, hardening the soft green lawns, turning the tilth to dust and leaving the plants hanging lifeless in the still air. Kathy, Carol and I stood in alone in front of a baking Cottlestone Hall awaiting the onslaught. The stored heat emanating from the old limestone blocks warmed our bare backs as we watched a red double-decker bus approach through the mirage that shimmered above the blindingly bright gravel drive snaking through the yellow grass of the parched parkland. If there ever was a day to hold a naked wedding then this was it I thought to myself as we waited, as naked as the day we were born, for the guests to arrive. Bob and his best man were inside preparing themselves; Sally Hunter and her mother were still fussing over the flowers in the chapel while Emma and her able charioteers would have been sweating in a hot kitchen had they any clothes on. Yes indeed, this was the best day for a naked wedding. Under other, more sedate circumstances I would have been decked out in top hat and tails, that would have left me dripping like an icicle in a sauna; but as my wedding suit was my birthday suit, I felt no discomfort. Another plus point was our genial host Giles, who was sweating profusely, with dark wet patches spoiling his best attire. He would have dearly loved to have retired to somewhere shady with a long cool drink, but that would have meant forgoing the once in a lifeltime opportunity to drink in the heavenly sight of Kathy’s naked body. For such a vision Giles was prepared to risk the reputation of his stately home. The happy smile on his face gave me the impression it was all worthwhile. Sadly for Giles the bus was approaching and with one last, long, lingering look he dragged his wide eyes from the rapture of Kathy in all her naked glory, and, with a testy reminder to me about the absolute need for secrecy, reluctantly disappeared into the cool shadow of the hall. Alone now, the three of us waited with all the apprehension of naked savages standing firm on a beach as the billowing sails of an alien frigate sailed ever closer. Each of us was wrapped up tightly in our own private thoughts as the bus ground to a halt. As the noisy engine cut I sighed, certain in the knowledge that none of our lives would ever be the same again. The first to alight was John Smith and his wife, casually dressed in shorts and loose fitting shirts. “I see the tables are turned, Mr Andrews. Today I have the benefit of clothing” he said with a broad grin as he shook my hand, “Well I have to take my hat off to you, I never thought you would land a place like this for a nude wedding” I returned his smile “Oh it wasn’t easy, Mr Smith, the changing rooms are through there, unless you are with the textiles” “Never, Mr Andrews, never ever” The textiles were easy to spot; they were dressed for a wedding. The nudists were attired for the beach, and disappeared inside to remove the little clothing they were wearing. Kathy corralled the non nudes into a small area where tables had been set out in the shade. Temi, who was clearly an exhibitionist at heart, served them soft drinks, while I addressed them on the thorny problem of photographs. “Ladies and gentlemen” I said trying to be formal in spite my lack of clothing which clearly hampered any attempt to command authority, “The bride and groom have requested no photographs and because of this asked all guests to leave their cameras at home. They are however very aware that most mobile phones have an in built camera. As we have no network coverage here Greta and Bob would ask you consider locking your phone and other valuables away in the lockers provided in the gym changing facilities.” “Er, would we bump into the nudists” This came from a short girl wearing a blushing pink dress the shone like a beacon in the midsummer sun. I reflected upon the sad fact that, while some people are just born idiots, others acquire idiocy during their lifetimes and some have it thrust upon them. For her it was all three. Was I not standing in front of her in my birthday suit? Did she think there would be a screen between her and, what she would soon find out, the immoral majority for the whole of the day? “The nudists are using the main changing rooms, but the small mother and baby facilities have been kept free for this purpose” I replied evenly “Oh good” she said oblivious to the irony of her position, “I don’t want to bump into ….oh” She just had, in the considerable form of John Smith. “Oh my” she continued as she caught sight of his most prominent feature. The oh mys continued for sometime as the nudists began to pour from the shady hall into the sunshine. “Excuse me.” A warm contralto voice from an elegantly dressed woman. She was in her late twenties and was accompanied by an equally well turned out man who may have been her husband, or then again may have been her father. I suspected the former, given the position of his hand on her thigh. His eyes however were ploughing through the sea of bouncing flesh. “Yes Madam” I replied with all the dignity I could muster considering my position. “Is it too late to undress” Her husband’s attention snapped back faster than a mantis’ forelegs. “Only it is so hot today, and I just can’t bear to wear a thing” She smiled at her husband who looked uneasy and pale on the horns of a dilemma. “Of course not madam, we still have ten minutes or so before we need to enter the church, my colleague will show you the way” I gestured to Carol who smiled generously and held her arm out towards the hall entrance. The dithering spouse’s decision was made for him, “Come on darling, I’m sure you are dying in that stuffy suit” As he meekly rose another voice called out “Hold on a minute, can I join you” This I knew was one of Greta’s friends from college, a diminutive blond with a vivacious personality, “My boyfriend has done nothing but stare at that waitress’ bare arse since we got here” she called out very loudly, “so I think I’ll give him something else to look at” This brought raucous laughter from a podgy lad who had been sitting next to her as he pointed mockingly at a tall gangly young man in an ill fitting suit. The laughter died on his lips as his girlfriend got up to join her friend. “What are we going to do now Gary?” he asked. But Gary was lost for words. He was still dumb five minutes later when the two girls returned to their seats wearing nothing but triumphant smiles. “Well” they challenged to their mute fully decked boyfriends, but it was too late. The bride was ready and it was time to enter the chapel. I watched as their grey suits shuffled uncomfortably besides the birthday suits filing through the shadowy portal. With all the guests safely inside the chapel I was left with about twenty minutes to check everything was ready for the rest of the function. As if by magic Kathy appeared by my side, her rump still vibrating from the rapidity of her approach, “We’ve got company” she told me, gesturing towards an ornate, ivy covered tower that clung to on the West wing of Coddlestone Hall. “Giles?” I asked. She shook her head vigorously, setting up aftershocks in her breasts “Two of Temi’s watchers spotted a group of local lads heading across the fields. “Ah…..and” ”They sent out a group of heavies on mountain bikes” “Did that shoo them away” “Most of them except a couple of rowdy farmhands.” she sighed before continuing, “It just made them more persistent” ”Oh” I replied non-committally, I knew there was more, but it was a matter of waiting for Kathy. She always liked to spin things out. “So they captured them and brought them in” I swore quietly to my self. This is the last thing we wanted, the police snooping around “where are they know” “Tied up in the cellar” I had been wrong, a visit from Her Majesty’s finest would have been a pleasure compared to this. “Temi’s talking to them. Do you want to see?” I’d rather eat pencil lead, “Lead me to them” I was in a scene from a Famous Five novel. The two boys were tied to chairs with tape across their mouths. They had their backs to the door so they could not see us, not that they would remember our faces anyway. Temi stood before them, striding from one side of the room to the other wearing the type of theatrical mask used in Greek tragedies; and nothing else. “My name is Artemis” she told them haughtily, “I have had men torn to pieces by dogs for glimpsing me naked” One of the scruffily clad youths shivered in his chair. Artemis’ mask was inscrutable, “you will attend me at the feast tonight” she informed them “where I shall have my pleasure with you” They both winced. “Keep them here” she ordered her equally naked acolytes and swept out like the goddess she was attempting emulate. “I’ve a feeling those two are going to have a night they will never forget” I told Kathy “This” she replied sternly “is a day that none of us will ever forget” “Or regret?” She slapped her bare buttocks setting ripples in her flesh. The sharp sound echoed in the room “We’ll see” She glanced at her watch, part of the three piece outfit she had chosen for this auspicious occasion. The other two parts were open toed sandals. By the time we had climbed the ancient stone stairs the wedding was nearly finished. Kathy and I took up our places by the chapel door to await the exit of the happy couple. At the muffled sound of the wedding march we pulled open the heavy double oak doors and the organ recital swept out followed by a blast of hot air that would have melted lead. Bob and Greta were beaming from ear to ear as they led the exit from the sweltering chapel. They were followed by their smiling parents and a highly amused Laura arm in arm with Bob’s best man. He had the look of a man who had just had a nasty accident in the trousers he unfortunately was not wearing. I had a sneaky feeling of what might be the problem. Unfortunately the matron of honour had carefully positioned her bouquet to prevent me confirming my suspicions. The remainder of the wedding guests gradually filtered out. “Ladies and gentlemen” Katy announced, “Drinks will be served on the terrace while the bride and groom have photographs taken. May I remind you that only the official photographer will take pictures.” “Excuse me” one of the guests asked quietly. I looked at him, he was the young man whose partner had pulled a fast strip on him just before the wedding ceremony. He was clearly hot, and very bothered. In direct opposition his girlfriend standing next to him looked as cool as a cucumber. Perhaps the lack of clothes made all the difference. “I wonder if it were possible to get into the changing rooms” “I am afraid they are locked sir” His equally sweaty friend with an equally naked girlfriend took up the baton. “It won’t take long, we just need to undress” His girlfriend started to titter at the two nervous young men fully dressed in their stuffy morning suits. “Ah I see” I said with as much dignity as I could gather considering I was attired in my birthday suit. “This way gentlemen” As I led them towards the changing room I came upon Temi bearing a large tray of drinks, her breasts swaying pendulously above the sparkling wine. “Drink gentlemen?” she asked with a lascivious smile. They grabbed a glass each and, without pausing for breath, or removing their eyes from Temi’s large circular nipples, they downed their glasses in a single gulp. Watching them gulp down the Dutch courage reminded me of something. “Ah, Temi, the best man needs a beer, immediately” “What brand?” She asked, totally ignoring my two companions who where staring at her, eyes bouncing from breasts to vagina and back again like demented frogs trying to decide which fly to eat first. “Cold” I replied. She smirked. “I understand, Pete, leave it to me” I wasn’t too sure what she meant by that, I just hoped she would be discreet. “Would you like me to take your empty glasses?” she asked the gangly youths. I sighed as she shaw-shayed along the corridor, her large firm rounded buttocks rising and falling to her own particular drum beat. The two wedding guests could not have been more captivated had they met the Ancient Mariner “This way if you still wish to disrobe gentlemen” I reminded them as I unlocked the door the led to a very different way of life. They didn’t take long and were soon back again looking more than ridiculous in their shiny black shoes and cotton socks. I smiled as I watched their pale hairy bums waddle towards their naked girlfriends who stood laughing at the end of the corridor. It was an unfair advantage I mused, all women’s footwear looked good on them if they were nude or not and the high heels adorning those two young women emphasised their long legs and pushed their hairy pelvises seductively forward to emphasise their femininity and fecundity. I locked the changing room doors and made my way to the old entrance hall with its black and white tiled floor and alabaster statues that stood solemn guard over the sweeping oak staircase that led upwards to Giles’ silent lair. He was nowhere to be seen but his ancestors were all around, staring sternly down from the expensively papered walls. I was willing bet my fee that over the long years hanging on the pale alabaster walls they had never seen a sight such as this. Which led me to wonder about Giles, would he be able to resist a peek. He’d promised to turn off the cctv, but in his position would have I? All the same I would have liked to be in his shoes, rather than mine as I was damn sure they weren’t the only thing he was wearing. Satisfied all was in order in the hall I ventured out into the scorching heat of the afternoon. Greta and Bob were standing together on the terrace with a background to die for. The parched lawns lead the eye onwards to the shimmering woods and the hazy blue Malvern Hills on the distant horizon. Thunder was growing in the sky, dark clouds were boiling over the hilltops and rolling down the slopes towards us. The sun still shone on Greta and Bob as the photographer made haste to catch the light before the clouds burst. “The bride, groom and immediate family, please” called the photographer. Max and Sally strode confidently forward along with Greta’s grandmother, the matriarch of the clan and by popular renown a famous figure in the nudist movement, or naturist fraternity as she liked to call it. “Come on Laura” she commanded. Reluctantly her granddaughter stepped forward. For the life of me I couldn’t understand why Greta had wanted her sister to be in the nude. Every bride took more care choosing her bridesmaid’s dress then her own. The first, and only rule in their mind, was that nobody must upstage them. Unclothed Greta’s sister would upstage anyone. While Temi considered herself a goddess Laura actually was one. She had the body of Aphrodite lurking beneath her frumpy clothes. When you met the sisters dressed it was Greta who caught the eye, as she had all the packaging but Laura had the goods, and everybody seemed to know it but her. I watched the men in the crowd shuffle their feet to get the best view as Laura edged nervously into position next to her sister. One man was hiding his interest behind his girlfriend who had made up for her lack of clothing by immaculately coiffing her blonde hair into an elaborate tower held in place by a large tiara. “You can stop that now, Johnny Beavis” she told him angrily swiping blindly behind her bare behind and connecting with his own jewellery. There was on oomph as he bent over double. “Now look what you’ve done” she complained fiddling with her head dress. I turned away trying to contain my mirth. “How are we doing, Shane” I asked a burly, naked member of the local rugby team “All clear, Pete” he told me, “no fiddling in pockets or handbags” He nodded towards a small group of clothed people watching the proceedings with all the silence and incomprehension of a crowd of opera lovers at a punk rock concert. “Keep a close watch” I told him, “we don’t want to be porn stars” “Already am” he replied cheerfully. What else would you expect from a member of the chariot club? The first clap of thunder rolled around the terrace. I turned to face the storm, it was an awesome sight with towering clouds the colour of an old bruise that glowered angrily at me over the park land. Dark curtains of rain fell on the distant parched meadows. The light on the terrace was blinding, illuminating the bare bodies of the wedding party who were being moved around by the feverish photographer in desperation to finish his work before the deluge. “For God’s sake Pete, what are you playing at? We need to get these people inside now” I looked at Kathy. She looked back. “We’ll be hit by lightning, can’t feel the electricity in the air” “Well it’s a little close, but we have a while yet” “No we don’t look” she pointed downwards; my eyes accepted the invitation and moved to inspect her vagina, “my pubes are standing on end” I had to admit they certainly seemed perky, but then I wasn’t that great an expert of Kathy’s private parts. Ever since that close encounter in my office they had remained strictly off limits. “And it’s not just mine either” she told me. My gaze shifted to my own groin. She was right, all the little short and curly ones were puffed up. I was pleased to see that was all that was standing upright. “Why are you two staring at each other’s pubes” asked Carol who appeared without warning beside us. “If you had any then you’d know” Kathy told her. “Know what?” she said absentmindedly stroking her hairless labia. “The storm is upon us” Kathy said dramatically. “Mm” replied Carol, “I’ll start getting everyone inside” I watched her smooth, pale toned backside move through the crowds. “I’ll go and check the room is ready for the reception, you go tell Emma we are coming in now” Kathy told me as the naked and the clothed streamed past us two by two, fleeing the coming deluge. I could see Carol’s bare arms gesticulating at the bare camera man who was going for the money shot, Greta and all her family framed in sunlight with a boiling black sky for a backdrop. There was only one guest left to witness what could be the final act of our first and last naked wedding if we didn’t get off this exposed terrace very soon. “Hurry Miss” I shouted at the short dumpy, large breasted blonde who was too busy fiddling with her elaborate beehive hairdo. She turned and smiled, being young her plump curves were still rigid. That wouldn’t last, so I enjoyed them while I could. “The rain will ruin your hair” I shouted as an encouragement. She continued to try to hold it all in place as she waddled towards me, her huge breasts slapping into her chest like protectors hanging over the side of a boat. A sudden burst of hail spattered the old cobbles, rattling like old bones. The blonde let out a squeal as a large cold reminder slapped her ample left buttock with a dull thud. She surged past me and was gone, to be replaced by a hurrying wedding party followed closely by photographer and a very relieved Carol. “Being naked in a thunderstorm is no picnic” she complained, “that stuff stung” We stood and marvelled at the power of the storm in silence as it rushed across the grounds, sweeping away the warm humid air that had hung dolorously over the terrace. “Excuse me” The dumpy blonde was back. The storm had ruined her elaborate hairstyle which was reduced to a ponytail now. “Can I help you?” replied Carol. “Er yes, I got hit by a hailstone, I wonder if you can see if it has left a mark?” “Certainly, where were you hit?” She dropped her voice to a whisper, “on the bum” Carol went around the back of her and looked down. “There’s a bit of a mark but you’ll be fine later on” She smiled and waddled off, sporting a large red welt on her copious rump as reminder of the wrath of nature. We left the outside to the storm and re-entered the hall which was packed with, mostly bare, wedding guests clutching their drinks. Being naked I passed through the throng largely unnoticed, not something you say everyday! I was heading for the function room where Kathy was placing disposable paper covers over Giles’ imitation antique chairs to protect the plush red velvet covers from the uncovered rears of the majority of the wedding guests. I had nearly reached my objective when I was hailed by a fairly large contingent of the clothed minority. “Mr Andrews” I stopped hesitantly as I was acutely aware of my nudity amongst the smartly attired group. “Can I help you?” I enquired smoothly, hoping I could not. They were all young, probably school or college friends of the newly married naked couple. “Yes you can” a tall, strident blonde with a long angular face, said in a very authoritative tone. “We would like to be let into the changing rooms.” I looked enquiringly at her “I think you can guess why” she told me “Ah, yes, of course madam, this way” I replied a little hesitantly. I am not normally so flustered, but being the only one naked in that small corner of the entrance had got to me. Surrounded by darks suits and brightly coloured dresses, it was small comfort to me that I wouldn’t be the only nude on the way back. I opened the door and led the way into the larger of the rooms, with its white tiles and grey metal lockers. The girls tripped in first, their high heels clattering on the hard floor like an old train rattling into a tunnel. The tall blonde turned and held her thin arm across the door, firmly barring the young men behind her. “You wait there Tom” she told an equally long and thin man wagging a long finger in the first eager man’s face, “and the rest of you too, it isn’t a strip show you know” I couldn’t quite see the logic in that, as they clearly intended to walk out of the room in nothing but their high heeled shoes and expensive jewellery. “I’ll call one of my female colleagues to wait for you” I said and made to leave. “oh that’s alright,” a short girl with short black hair and a round pretty face told me, “it’s not as if you have any clothes on anyway” she continued as she stepped out of a tiny pink dress to reveal a matching g string and the most perfectly shaped pair of pert breasts. I didn’t need her to remove the rest of her underwear to prove to me that she had a hairless vagina, but she did anyway. “We’ve decided to go first to prevent any unwanted reactions” the blonde leader told me as she peeled off her long fuchsia dress. “Not like the best man” said a dumpy girl as she removed an industrial sized reinforced bra allowing the biggest pair of breasts I have ever seen to swing free. “At least he proved he was the best man” replied another girl with bullet shaped nipples sticking manfully out from breasts that could only be described as undulations. She looked down and picked critically at a few stray hairs that forced their way past the elastic of her sheer white panties. “If I’d know we were going to do this I’d have had a trim” she said miserably. “Oh cheer up, Imogen, nobody’s going to notice a few pokies if you haven’t got any knickers on” replied the dumpy girl. This silenced the whole crowd as it began to sink in they would be spending the next few hours completely naked. “At least your collars and cuffs match Immi” said the tall blonde, who was so thin her bones were almost visible beneath her pale skin. I could count every rib as she bent over to remove her diaphanous white lace knickers. Imogen sighed as she carefully hung up her gold lame party dress. “That cost me a fortune” she complained with a grim air of one who has surrendered to her fate. “It wasn’t working Imogen” her friend told her forcefully, “Adam hasn’t paid you the slightest attention all day” Imogen removed her knickers and idly ran her fingers though her pubic hair. “Perhaps my new dress will change his mind” she said thoughtfully. There was a loud crack as she slapped both hands on her firm thighs. “Ready Amanda” “Ever ready Immie, let’s go and blow their socks off” Amanda, who was clearly the leader of the little band stood on a changing bench, scrawny bare buttocks taut as tent in a hurricane as she addressed her troops. “Are you ready team?” They whooped like dervishes. She waited for silence. “We’ve been here before, remember the time we streaked the rugby pitch.” Muffled titters, “Don’t you laugh Melanie Milford, you’d never have pulled Brent if he hadn’t seen all of your womanly virtues” A plain girl with mousy hair and a killer body blushed red all down her ample chest as the captain of Greta’s old hockey team continued. “And let’s not forget the Belgium tour” They squealed in reflection of whatever they had done. “We made those old men’s final years very, very happy” Amanda confirmed with a knowing grin. “It’s all very well or her to go on” complained a short dark haired girl with conical breasts topped with perfectly smooth pink nipples, “my parents are out there” “Too late now, Jen” replied the red head next to her. Undaunted by this exchange Amanda continued with her pep talk. “Well let me tell you ladies, that was nothing; for I am fully confident that we are now entering a new galaxy and the next few hours will be St Jude’s hockey team’s finest hour.” And with that stirring, if slightly irrational, speech Amanda led the nudes of St Jude’s out of the changing room door where the ever thoughtful Temi stood with a tray loaded with flutes of champagne. I watched as Amanda rubbed her bony naked body against her boyfriend. “Don’t be toooo long lover boy” she told him huskily. “There’s cold showers in there if you need them” she told him to the obvious mirth of her girlfriends. They all stood motionless as the hockey team with the finest kit in the whole wide world pored passed them down the corridor. There they stood, ossified like the statues on the shore of Easter Island until the last rounded rear disappeared beyond the horizon of the far door. “Dunno about you chaps” said Tom with an evil grin on his face, “but I’ve just lost my nerve” Smiles spread like the peanut butter on a small child’s sandwich, and with a swagger they all strolled off to enjoy the best wedding breakfast of their lives. My only regret was my inability to join them. I had no idea how those young men would square their perfidy with their girlfriends who seemed a formidable bunch to me, and quite capable of exacting an agonisingly embarrassing revenge. For no reason I could think an image of my wife popped into my head, so I trooped off to the kitchens to check on her progress The kitchens were abuzz as Emma and her fleet of naked waitresses began the onerous task of feeding the wedding guests. They sailed out with the first course on silver platters; their only uniform a small white hat and a pair of sensible shoes. I watched their bottoms swaying in perfect rhythm as they clattered down the musty passageway I shot an enquiring look at Emma. She gave me the thumbs up and then told me to get out of her kitchen. I left the naked chef to it and ambled off towards the cellar steps. Time to check up on our uninvited guests. I opened the heavy oak door a crack, to make sure they were still facing away from me. I had no intention of one of them seeing my face. Neither had the Chariot club and the well upholstered young lady and the two burly guards who were watching over the two captives. The boys were wearing improvised masks made from black hats which covered all of the face with just two holes to see through. The girl had clearly come prepared and sported an elaborate black velvet mask that covered half of her face. Not that her captives were looking at her eyes. There were two plates of food on the table in front of them piled with Emma’s finest. “Now then boys, are you hungry?” the naked dumpling asked. One was too terrified to speak and just nodded. The other had more spunk in him “Untie me and I’ll show you how hungry I am” he told her suggestively. For this he was rewarded with one of her long stiletto heels on his foot, this elicited a long anguished howl. “Down soldier” she told him. “We’ll see what you’re made of later, but first you need feeding up. Now open wide!” Bending towards him her large breasts hung before his astonished eyes as she pushed the food down his gaping mouth with a silver spoon. This was promptly spat back at her. She tutted and wiped the food from her ample bare flesh, seductively licking her fingers one at a time. One of the farmhands groaned. “Do you want me to punish you again?” she told him raking her long red fingernails along his cheek. “No” came the hoarse reply “Good boy, now open wide for mummy” She leant forward again, pendulous breasts hanging from her chest. “She’s the best dominatrix in the group” whispered Temi who had crept up behind me in silence. “Look at the boys standing to attention” I switched my gaze to the naked guards making no attempt to hide their rampant interest. “Er, yes” was all I could find to say” “We’re going to have such a blast tonight” Temi told me. I was out of my well out depth and I knew it, the best I could do was to leave them to it and hope for the best. I struck out for the shore. At the top of the stairs I met Kathy who was coming down from Giles’ private apartment. “Where have you been” I asked. “I could ay the same to you” she replied tartly. “I’ve been checking our uninvited guests” I told her. “I think it best we let Temi sort that out” she replied quickly. “So where have you been?” I asked, not letting her get out of it. “Well if you must know I’ve been having tea with Giles” she told me. “Dressed like that!” I exclaimed. “No not dressed like this” she replied. I breathed a sigh of relief as I didn’t trust that aristocratic anachronism as far as I could throw him. “Because technically I am not dressed” she continued smugly. I pressed my hand to my eyes, this was becoming a trying quarter of an hour. “And Giles?” I enquired finally desperate for some good news. “He was as happy as a toddler at the seaside” “Yes but was he dressed as one” She smiled sweetly, “Don’t worry Peter”, she touched my arm consolingly as I feared the worst, “He was firmly buttoned up in his upper class best. I’d rather be nude alone than have him join me. What if he had shown an interest? How embarrassing would that have been!” “Kathy, you have just sat and had tea stark naked with one of our suppliers, can it get more uncomfortable than that” “Oh believe me Peter it can,” I understood. The thought of Giles’ little appendage taking in the fresh air popped into mind. She shivered at the image, “I got off lightly” A quick change of subject was called for. “How’s it going in there?” “I’m just going to check. Coming?” She nodded and we both headed toward the double doors that led towards the ancient ballroom.